Growing up my mom used to tell me that it wasn’t her job to be my friend, it was her job to be my mom. I understand that she needed to keep that boundary of respect, but now that my children are adults, I’m proud to say that they’re among my best friends and we respect each other.
My relationships with my children are ones that I cherish and that I also work hard at. I don’t profess to be an expert parent, but what I know for sure is that my husband and I were blessed with awesome children. And although as parents we were disciplinarians when they were young, and I’ll never stop being their parent – and I’m sure they often wish I would keep my opinions to myself – now that they’re adults it’s just cool to hang out and have fun with them. I honestly like the people they’ve become.
Here are some things I did to build and nurture our relationships:
- 1:1 time – since they were young, I made it a priority to schedule alone time with each of them as often as possible. That gave us time to connect with each other while doing something that they enjoyed. Dave & Busters was a special place for my oldest and I. When he had days off school, I would also take off work and we would go to Dave & Busters (while the younger two were in daycare). I looked forward to our alone time and he did too – although a lot of it may have been him looking forward to Dave & Busters and not so much spending time with me – but either way he looked forward to it.
- Supporting their interests – It may not be your thing, but if it’s their thing then try to make it yours too. That’s the only reason I was at a Cheetah Girls concert – that my daughter still remembers to this day. And my youngest has always loved animals, so I learned to love watching the Animal Planet channel and going to the zoo. It’s about making those memories together.
- Know their friends – Their friends are important to them so it’s important that I treat their friends with love and respect too.
- Listen – even when they say things you may not want to hear. This is the hardest part, but the most important. If they feel they can trust you with their feelings, fears and dreams they’ll continue to open up to you. But if you always try to control or correct, they’ll shut down and will stop sharing their life with you. Of course, I pull the mom card when it’s needed, but I try hard to listen not as a parent but as another adult. I give my opinion, but also know that there are times when I have to let go and allow them to make their own decisions, and also live with the impact of that decision.
- Always be there for them – this one sort of goes without saying but make sure they know you’re always there for them and that they can call you at any time, for anything.
My relationships with my children are special to me and I’ll do whatever I can to make sure they know and feel that. But to be honest, spending time with them is easy because they’ve grown to be wonderful young adults, and I couldn’t be prouder!
What are some ways that you connect with your adult children? Share them with us.